My annual work review happened to me today. I think this may be my first bad work review in my entire life. I was told I have a bad attitude. And not just that, but I have anger issues. And I should probably see someone about it.
I was not surprised. And I do not disagree with the assessment. I do have a terrible attitude at work. And I am angry a lot. But the thing is, that’s the not the whole story. And I suppose I could’ve spilled my guts to my boss but that’s not me. My coworkers are not my friends. I like them, I like working with them. But I don’t confide in them. At least not about the real stuff.
The thing is, I feel completely trapped by Life. Like I am on the ground and Life is standing on me with its big heavy boots. Like I can’t breathe, like I don’t have a second of space to notice the leaves changing. Memories from years ago are reemerging, feeling like they just happened. Emotions are so close the surface it hurts when someone touches me. Raw. I don’t know why I feel this way, I just know it needs to stop.
How do you explain that to your boss?
I didn’t of course. I just said I was sorry and I would try harder.