I haven’t written in a while. This is largely due the fact that I decided to go back to school. I thought the accelerated online track would be the way to go but it’s way more difficult than I thought it would be. Although there are online lectures, the learning is pretty much up to me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s exactly the way I like it, I love that I can do everything at my own pace (albeit a fast pace). But getting back into studying and doing homework after almost 20 years is a bit of an adjustment. When my husband is sitting on the deck having a beer after work and I wish I was sitting next to him, I’m at the kitchen table studying. Part of me just wants to say screw it, I mean do I really need to get an A? The answer of course is yes. Because I come from an overachieving family and I can feel them judging me from afar. That’s all in my head, but I’m ok with a little make-believe competition if it’s what I need to keep going. Shout out to my annoyingly brilliant and talented brothers, you are still making me try harder!
It’s been a month so far and I am slowly figuring out how I need to rearrange my time. During the week, I’ve cut out TV watching, which was surprisingly easy. I’ve cut out most of my recreational reading, not as easy, but I know the pile of books next to my bed isn’t going anywhere. Most recently though, and this is a hard one, I’ve realized I need to cut out my normal cooking routine. My normal cooking routine includes music, wine, my favorite knife, and a beautiful bamboo cutting board. I’m not saying I’m a master chef or anything but the act of chopping vegetables and the smell of onions sauteing in a pan is the equivalent of Valium for me, something I look forward to if I’m having a shitty day. There are other things too, the previously mentioned deck time with Brian, cuddling on the couch with my dog, sleeping that extra hour in the morning. It’s a lot of little things that I didn’t even realize were part of my routine.
None of this is the worst thing in the world. I still cook on the weekends, I still read fun books after I’m done reading about the wonders of budget analysis and schedule variance. I still get my Netflix fix on Sunday afternoon. But here’s the thing, the small seemingly insignificant sacrifices that I have made to make room for homework, has shined a giant spotlight on what is truly important to me. It’s shown me what I miss most, what I value most. What a gift. I realize this sounds incredibly simple, this should be common sense. Maybe I just need to feel something before it really hits home. Whatever the reason, I find myself looking forward to things I didn’t even know were a privilege and savoring every second. Turns out homework is teaching me way more than what is outlined in the curriculum.
On a side note, when I started this blog, my intention was to have a place so sort my thoughts, I didn’t actually think anyone would read it. I’m surprised every time I see a comment and grateful for everyone’s kind, thoughtful words. Take care all and have a fantastic day!